Pointing the Finger

“What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel.”

James 4:1-2 ESV

As we experience conflict with others, whether it’s someone close to us or someone of whom our knowledge is more limited, we tend to focus our attention on their behavior. We focus on their tone. We focus on the specific words they choose to use. And we focus on the content of their message.

What I’m saying is that, as we enter into conflict, we pinpoint them as the cause of our argument. Perhaps they were rude when they spoke to us. Perhaps we take issue with their intent. Perhaps we see a weakness in them that seems intolerable to us. Or perhaps we simply cannot agree with their logic.

As we, then, fight and quarrel with them, we place the blame at their feet. After all, if they’d approached things differently, we wouldn’t be arguing in the first place. If they did things the way we believe they should be done, things would be better by far. And if they only understood our way of thinking, or if they weren’t so stubborn, conflict could have been avoided.

What we fail to do, as we engage in conflict, is to look within. We fail to consider that, perhaps, we are the source of the conflict. We fail to consider that we are the one who is at fault.

This is what James is calling us to recognize in the above passage. He tells us that the quarrels in which we take part are caused by the passions within us. And, when he speaks of these passions, he’s referring not to those desires which are godly. He’s referring to our selfish and sinful desires.

We enter into conflict because we don’t have the things we desire. In fact, this longing causes us to seek the harm of others. We cannot obtain the things we desire, so we fight and quarrel.

It’s needless to say that this isn’t true of us alone. It’s typically the case with all parties involved in the conflict. However, we cannot simply point the finger at others. We need to, first and foremost, look at our role. We need to uncover our sinful desires that led us to take up arms against our brother.

May we, then, approach conflict with a spirit of humility. And, more than this, may we approach it with a spirit of repentance. May we seek the forgiveness of God and that of our brother for the sinful desires which led us into sin.